Current Location: Watching the rain fall & the wind blow out my den window.

Current Mood: working

Current Music: O Mio Babbino Caro - Puccini

I’ve been Alphabet Meme tagged by the funny and prolific crcook. She was kind enough to stick present me with the letter J.

10 wonderful J’s

1. Joplin (the resident lead fur person & official face licker)

2. Jeans (well-worn and cozy)
3. Jewelry (anywhere, anyhow, any time…think pearls, honey)
4. Jellybeans (mmmm…buttered popcorn flavor)
5. Journaling, jambalaya, and jackstraws (the last two because…well…just because)
6. Joy (anywhere, anyhow, any time)
7. Jammies (hey…it works)
8. Jam (mmmm…seedless black raspberry)
9. Jo in LITTLE WOMEN (I am not more like Amy! LA LA LA LA LA...)
10. Journeys, junkets, or jaunts, oh my (sand and surf must be involved)

Five yucky J’s

1. Jerks (anywhere, anyhow, any time)
2. Jealousy (need I say more?)
3. Jellyfish (not one of my favorite invertebrates)
4. Jittery nerves (never EVER fun)
5. Jack-in-the-boxes (some are just plain creepy)

I tag alwayslisa with A and breckinwood with B.

Current Location: Desk chair in need of a makeover.

Current Mood: creative

Current Music: Rhapsody on a theme of Paganini – Variation No. 18

THE GOOD.
Saturday’s mailbox dive produced a very nice personal from a very nice editor to send more.

*bounces*

THE BAD.
Singing in shower resulted in pounding on door and the following from hubby: “Honey, do you have Julie Andrews in there?”

*cooks up devious payback* (Notice I said cooks. Muwhahahaha!)

THE UGLY.

Waxed floor + fuzzy socks = throbbing, crooked, plummy blue toe

*limps away*

Current Location: Right here. Can't you see me?

Current Mood: giggly

In typical rushing the season fashion, someone on TV mentioned how many shopping days until Christmas. I snorted and told my husband to hurry up with his list.

There hadn’t been a need for a list in the past. For twenty years L’s gifts to me had been impeccable. Well, there was the Wrinkle Cream Incident of 2002, but I'm almost over it. Last year, something happened. I don’t know if the Gift Gotcha Gnomes were working overtime or what, but the love of my life presented me with…wait for it…a soldering iron and an industrial-sized laser level with, and this is important, an adjustable tripod.

Hey, I thought I gave an award-winning performance which included lots of perky thank yous. I was certain he couldn’t hear the inside screams, but the shock must have shown through. It was decided we would exchange lists beginning this year.

Well, guess who came home with his list yesterday? This wasn’t just any ol’ handwritten on a torn sheet of paper list. It was done in Power Point with graphs to show items in order of importance. I’ll spare you the specifics, but I just have to share the disclaimer at the bottom.

“The above list represents wanted items, but is not necessarily all inclusive, nor is the purchase of all the items mandatory. A pre-shopping meeting will be necessary to set “gift number” limits in order to maintain a fair exchange thus creating an atmosphere of a Happy Holiday. Suggested retail prices may vary.”

Current Location: Office

Current Mood: sleepy

Current Music: Coffee maker hum-hum-humming along.

Cooking has never been easy for me. Unless you count the time when my oven was out of commission for a few months (actually, a year and a half) and I didn’t miss it. 

My limitations showed up as a teen. My mother said frying an egg was easy. Just stick it in the pan over medium heat and flip it once. I did as I was told.

Nothing happened.

I hollered to tell her the egg wasn’t doing anything. She hollered back to turn up the heat. Which I did.

Nothing happened.

In my defense, she failed to tell me to crack the egg and pour it in the skillet.

You’d think I’d pay attention to the Off Limits sign, but I still get these moments where I wander into the kitchen to make real food. This time it was macaroni and cheese. Good ol’ creamy on the bottom, bubbly in the middle, and crackly brown on top mac’n cheese.

I found a recipe labeled easy, skipped off to the store to pick up cheese, and came back with the exuberance of someone who didn’t remember she was The Culinary Klutz. I won’t go into the preparation. There will be nightmares. (For the record, fat free milk doesn’t create creaminess and hotdog buns are not a good substitute for bread crumbs.)

Two hours and a tower of dirty bowls, skillets, and pots later, I pulled the steaming stuff out of the oven. The crowds cheered. The taste-testers wept. And I promised to leave the cooking to people who think it’s easy.

It’s all yours, folks!

Current Location: Here.

Current Mood: content

Current Music: Hammering.

The week started out like any other week. The flowers were shriveled. I watered them. The mutant tomatoes, straining from their containers, screamed we’re dry, you loser. I soaked them. The patio was dusty and leafy. I hosed it. And so…it rained.

I ignored the clouds repeating my tasks and marched inside, down the hall past the closed door of the bathroom on its fourth week of renovation (don’t ask), to the room where my computer awaited my commands. This was something I had total control over. I was going to write something profound, pithy, and publishable, and while I was at it, leave a witty word or two on my blog. 

But first, I checked my e-mail, thought about a revision I needed to finish, read LJ, started on a crit, thought about a revision I needed to finish, skimmed over unread posts at V’s, thought about a revision I needed to finish, made a dental appointment, and scolded the resident fur people about their latest lack of potty smarts and incessant shedding. My writing window remained open and blank.

The week is now kaplooey. Okay, perhaps profundity may have been too big of a reach for me, unlike the tomatoes that are threatening to climb over the fence line and escape by nightfall. I figure my best bet is to go for the witty word or two. 

So, here they are…frickle and slorpatchit.

My slacking is no more. In fact, I laugh in the face of slacking. I have a revision I need to finish, it's about to rain, and I have tomatoes to lasso.

Current Location: I'm not telling.

Current Mood: indescribable

Current Music: TV

Memories of my childhood street are filled with sweet faces. The ones I climbed trees with, leaped off (lower voice and emphasize death or you won’t do it justice) The Wall of Death with, shared secrets with, explored the woods with, and skinned knees with, for what I thought was going to be forever. This morning, however, my thoughts skipped past the laughter, whispers, and war hoops over to another familiar cast of characters. My childhood street moms.

Come meet them.

Delicate Mrs. H who turned uh huh into a real art and clinched the title of World’s Longest Phone Chatter. Sleek-bunned Mrs. W and her stylish wave vrooming by in her silver land yacht on her way to teach ballet. Tan Mrs. D in her store-bought clothes swaying to the radio while snipping flowers in her garden. Muumuu-wearing Mrs. R who everyone gravitated to because of her bright flame and award-winning lemon meringue pie. Shiny white-haired Mrs. B who could finish a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle in two days and stop a bird with one swing of a broom. (Note: Said bird was only stunned and not harmed in this memory.) The other Mrs. B who was never spotted outside of her home, but met you at the door with a tray of the most amazing caramel popcorn balls every Halloween. Keeper of The Wall of Death (hope you said that right) and wearer of sparkly jewelry, Mrs. L with the tall red hair, who smelled like vanilla. Ditzy, but kind Mrs. P who always ran short on eggs, sugar, or soap and her sad-eyed Saint Bernard that left drool puddles on our front porch. There were more, but I guess I’ll end with old Mrs. T, the street’s snoop and card-carrying busybody who kept a permanent nose smudge on her living room window.

Fast forward to the present.

I’ve lived here on my grownup street for many years and sadly, I’m not sure I could even tell you the name of the people who live three houses up and over. If pressed, I might be able to tell you what color the cars are in some of the driveways. I do exchange a word or two with the family across the street that has been away on vacation. Today, I realized I missed them. I also noticed I hadn’t raised the shade behind my computer since they’ve been gone. GASP! I’ve been watching them live their life from out of my den window. Could this mean what I think it means? Am I the old Mrs. T of my grownup street? And what’s that mark on the glass?

Excuse me. I need to get the window cleaner.

Current Location: Oh, those gosh darn WV hills!

Current Mood: okay

I recently told a friend I had lost my funny bone. I’m fairly certain it isn’t in the house. I’ve combed the place and the dust bunnies aren’t talking. I don’t know what has happened. Perhaps, it needed a break and it hurdled over the pasty lunar thing with that bovine fella. Sheesh. I need to get out more.

I like reading funny (as in haha…not as in upside down) and up until a few weeks ago I liked writing funny. It’s the weirdest thing, though. I’ve lost the ability to make words fasten together in any sort of chuckle-worthy order. See? You’re not even smiling right now, are you?

I adore most kinds of funny. I even like sight gags as long as they’re clever. Silly ala stooge isn't my thing and dirty turns my stomach, but show me a little dry wit and I’ll follow you anywhere. Speaking of which...I think my husband is about the funniest guy on the planet. At least, most of the time. (Note to DH: Funny is NOT squashing your face against the shower glass yesterday and scaring the skeebeehoosits out of me. Funny IS asking the grocery cashier if we have a large enough package of toilet paper based on the amount of food we are buying.)

To make matters worse, I’m revising my MG mystery and am having a tough time deciding whether the humor fits my character’s personality or whether it’s me lumbering through waving my wacky wand. How do you make that distinction? And what do you do when your witty flame burns low?

Oh, and if you happen to see my funny bone, send it home please. The morning is about to go POOF and I’m off to the shower. (Note to DH: The bathroom door will be locked.)

Current Location: Den...I think. *yawns*

Current Mood: sleepy

Current Music: Morning news. Fur people fighting over bones.

I thought I would share another cute story from my other sis.

SCENE: Nana and Pop are leaving after a long visit and it’s not going over very well with almost four-year-old A.

NANA:  But we have to go home.

A: (in between wails) Why?

NANA:  Because Pop has to go to work tomorrow.

A: (snuffle…snuffle) You stay…Pop go.

NANA: That might hurt Pop’s feelings.

A: (shakes head) Pop’s big boy. He says.

NANA: Pop would be very lonely.

A: (holds out arms) Pop take this.

(A. gives Nana her sacred blankie.) 

Now how does one refuse an offer like that?

Current Mood: energetic

Current Music: More Than Words - Extreme

#1: A household appliance has gasped its last breath. This will trigger the demise of at least one, maybe two more appliances within the week

#2: The way to conjure up someone who you would prefer to impress is leave the house without makeup (for those who blush naturally, just insert “looking like Quasimodo”).

#3: Settle in to give a television program one more try due to the ravings of your friends and get ready to tune in to the one episode you’ve seen before.

#4: Stub a toe and live to tell the tale. Count on crunching, slamming, sliding, jamming it again into any object within crunching, slamming, sliding, jamming distance.

#5: The phone and doorbell are wired to ring when naked innocent soul steps into the shower. Rumor has it, the two are in cahoots with the CFC (the Commode Flusher Consortium).

#6: The one thing you decide NOT to pick up at the store is the ONE thing you will run out of and NEED the following week.

#7: It is not a myth. You own a rogue sock which must claim its freedom. Will it escape dirty or clean?

Current Location: Sitting next to inflatable raft.

Current Mood: working

Current Music: Puddle Up For Me, Baby by R. U. Wet

I’m sorry I haven’t responded to everyone’s blogs the last few days, but I’ve had more company. (I was on top of it, Dot, and disguised the sporks.)

Today is gray and soggy. A little too soggy. They’re calling for 3 to 4 inches in less than an hour this afternoon. This can’t be good.

So whilst the wet stuff slams against the windows I think I’ll jump back into revisions on THE NAME CHANGERS. Maybe I’ll work on one of the spooky scenes since I do have all this ambiance going for me right now.

But first…I must share something cute with you guys. These are the phone messages left at my sister’s (She and hubby are sound sleepers.) house from her granddaughter on her 6th birthday.

7:20 AM

GRANDDAUGHTER: “Good Mommy? Good Daddy? Cartoons are on. Hi!”

CLICK

7:23 AM

GRANDDAUGHTER: “I forgot to tell you. It’s my birthday! I’m watching cartoons. Are you up? I’m six now.”

CLICK

7:25 AM

GRANDDAUGHTER: “This is M, your granddaughter. Did you remember it’s my birthday? I’m six!”

CLICK

7:27 AM

“HALLOOOOO? Can YOU hear me? I’ll hold on ‘til you get up.” (Several minutes of breathing pass and then a parental voice is heard “M? What are you doing? You’d better not be on the…”)

CLICK


Oh...and...

8:03 AM 
Good Mommy and Good Daddy call M. and they all live happily ever after. 

Current Location: Duh! Here.

Current Mood: weird

Okay…the clown who installed the revolving door had better come back and shut it down. Seriously…the gaggle of guests and service/repair people flocking in through the front of my house the last couple of weeks has been…well…comical. There is hope that things will calm down after the last visit from the AC guy (the third this week). Then I’m considering a moat. It shouldn’t require a lot of upkeep. But there’s all that raising and lowering of the bridge to think about and I would have to worry about a troll. Should I have one? Will he eat too much? Does he need a friend?

In writing news…er…okay there isn’t any news for now. My MG revisions are on hold for the time being. I have a few things scurrying around my brain. I think they’re ideas. Please tell me they’re ideas. A little voice is telling me they’re good ones. Oh sheesh…I have little voices now.

Current Location: B. I. C.

Current Mood: hopeful

Current Music: wind chimes & lawn mower

I’m baaaaaack! At least I think I am.

I have (due to the much needed prodding with a pointy implement by a dear friend) several subs ready to send out into Please Publish Me Land. I promise, L, I just need to make a stamp run.

And I’m happy to announce (ta dah!) that I opened up my MG mystery, THE NAME CHANGERS, yesterday and started flagging problem areas. There was good news and bad news when I read through it a few weeks ago. The good news – it wasn’t as lightweight as I was afraid it might be and I still liked the characters. The bad news – it wasn’t nearly as good (sigh…not even close) as I hoped it would be. A couple of the twists…well…ah, who am I kidding…scream CONTRIVED. Ew. Then there were the several scenes I had spent a lot of time blowing up the big tension balloon only to stick a pin in it way too soon. Double ew. Right now it all seems to be fixable.

Current Mood: nervous

The AC guy finally repaired the heat pump late yesterday afternoon. We allowed the unit a few hours to do its magic and at midnight the upstairs was cool enough to crawl into our bed for the first time in 6 nights. At 1:23 we were jolted awake by a roaring fire alarm. We yanked up the phone and the dogs on our way outside. The fire department arrived less than 12 minutes later. Sirens blaring. Lights flashing. (Oddly enough…this didn’t wake any of the neighbors.) Firemen combed the house while we stood on the patio clutching the dogs to our chests. The alarm roared on until one of them finally clipped it from the ceiling. Long nightmare of a story short. There was no smoke. There was no fire. The pipe thingamajiggie connected to the AC in the attic had leaked into the alarm causing it to short out. They stayed for almost two hours to make sure everything was safe. Gosh, these people are amazing.

Ask me how much sleep I’ve had! Actually…ask me if I’ll ever sleep again.

Today, I wait for an electrician and the return of the AC people. The car dealership guy just hauled my car off to see why it isn’t working. (I’m really not making all this up.) My stay in Repairville continues.

Current Mood: cranky

Current Music: Brandenburg Concerto No. 3 in G Major - Bach

Why is it when one thing in the house goes belly up, it’s the signal for other things to start falling apart? Three weeks ago, it was the computer. Two weeks ago, it was the TV. Last week, it was the washer. This week, it’s the air conditioning. (And yes, we're having record-breaking temps.) But I digress. I’m not really here to discuss appliance letdown or the dampness of my pits…I’m here to ask what the heck has happened to service in the past few years? Back in the good old days when something went wonky, you could just pick up a phone and call the wonky fix-it people. They were sympathetic to your plight, courteous, and you knew no matter how busy they were, they would come to your rescue. Not so anymore, at least not in my part of the world.

Now you have to listen to a recorded message that will walk you through the steps to fix it yourself or determine whether your problem is their problem. Huh? Or you can press enough buttons to land in the estimated 15 minute wait time zone before you can speak to something carbon based. My favorite, though, my VERY favorite is calling a local business where you will be placed on the list according to who you are, how much money it’s going to make them, and if they simply feel like making an effort on that particular day.

Current Location: Definitely not outside!

Current Mood: anxious

Current Music: These Eyes - The Guess Who

I looked down from my back porch yesterday afternoon to see a long black thing slithering around ten feet from my garage door. (I would share the photo, but I don’t know how.) Suffice it to say that it was several feet long and its mouth was wide open. No men folk were in the neighborhood. My husband wouldn't answer his office phone. And my brother-in-law wouldn't make the two hour drive. 

Soooo…I camped out at the den window and waited for the man across the street to come home. It was a long wait. "Where have you been?"  I screamed from the front porch. Which admittedly was rude, and might have creeped him out a tad since he hadn't gotten more than one leg out of his car, and he doesn’t know me all that well. Anyway…he and his two little boys puffed up their chests happy to come over and save the foolish lady. I knew he really didn't think it was as big as the raving lunatic woman jumping up and down on her sidewalk said it was because he went around to the driveway empty-handed. 

There was just something so gratifying (In a sick way, because I really didn't want the snake in my driveway to be worthy of the Guinness Book of World Records.) when he shrieked like a girl and yelled THAT'S HUGE and I HAVEN'T SEEN ONE THAT BIG BEFORE. He sprinted off to get a big shovel and a trashcan. By the time he returned, it had slithered its last slither. I don't know if it had been injured, or it was old, or it had fried itself on my driveway asphalt. I'm sorry it's dead. It was free to live a happy, slithery life as long as big, burly men took it away…far far away…at least to the next county or state.

Current Mood: optimistic

Current Music: At Last - Cyndi Lauper

Today’s the day. I’m not going to let anything interrupt the mood. Fresh paper is in the printer so I can run the new words out. Window is open and morning sun is spilling in behind my screen. A tall glass of iced tea is to my left. The girls with their soggy chew bones are to my right. I remembered to turn the dishwasher on. I think.

Yep.

I’ve checked LJ and returned e-mails. And now I’m going to let things tumble free from the grey matter. Great. There’s a storm coming in so I need to put the patio umbrellas down.

Done.

Here I am. Should I work on the PB idea that’s been nagging at me? There is my MG that needs an overhaul. Nope. I’m going to get that PB finished if it kills me. Awww. That little kid looks so cute riding his bike up and down the street out front. His helmet would fit my head.

Okay. Must. Concentrate. MG or PB? PB or MG? I wonder if the wind is making it easier for him to pedal? Probably only one direction. Unless it’s blowing this way. In which case it could blow him over. Oh good. He’s going in.

(Closes shade.)

Current Location: Upstairs

Current Mood: curious

Current Music: Into the Mystic - Van Morrison

1)  Mascara dries up faster than it used to.

2)  Clothes are cut smaller and elastic shrinks. (Uh huh!)

3)  It is possible for a TV cable repair guy to roll his eyes and raise his voice at you in your own house without losing an appendage.

4)  For some reason I’ve started participating in writing as a spectator. (Notice how I just slipped that in here.)

5)  You can concoct a darn good casserole with no cheese or cream of anything soup in the house.

6)  I still feel naked in public writing here. (I know. I know, B. I said naked again.)

Current Mood: chipper

Current Music: 100 Years - Five for Fighting

Scene: Two dogs (Bayley & Piper) and a human (Moi) on bed. Dogs chowing down on fresh chew bones.

Piper deposits soggy bone in my hand, jumps off bed, and heads for the water dish.  Bayley seizes the moment, drops her not-so-soggy bone in my lap, and holds paw up in hopes of an exchange.  Piper races back, knocks Bayley aside, and retrieves soggy bone from my hand.  Bayley picks her not-so-soggy bone back up, trots to side of bed, looks over her shoulder, barks (which in itself is a feat because the bone is in her mouth) to get Piper’s attention, and drops bone down to floor.  Not-so-soggy bone makes a nice, long, loud clatter.  Piper hears irresistible noise, drops soggy bone, jumps off bed, and claims the floor prize.  Bayley grabs unguarded soggy bone and darts out of room.  Mission accomplished.


In other fur people news...

We had a healthy bay colt yesterday! Yay! Mom and babe are doing great.